Skaveeeeshy Feeessshy.

Bring me back to this time last year. I miss the OGC, the late night sltmsh, JDR together, and the bad that actually turned into the good. I miss that feeling of pure satisfaction when I would go to sleep and wake up, thanking God for how amazing my day was and would be. How it wasn't just one day that was good, it was every day. When my description  of joy wasn't one feeling I had, it was many; ecstatic, elated, fervent, euphoric. And when it didn't mean one thing, it was countless blessings; God, family, friends, work, just eating FOOD. What happened? 

I love when I have friends who just put me in perspective and then I realize that's all I needed; a good talk. I haven't had one of those in awhile, and it felt good. I was told, "You can't lose your excitement and hope. When you lose hope, you begin to die inside..." Doubt has been becoming my best friend lately. Stress in my life comes from making things more important than they are, and failing comes from making things less important than they are. 

"All we need to make us really happy is something to be continuously enthusiastic about..." I didn't realize I've been feeling like this until someone actually stopped to ask, "Really, how are you doing?" Well, thank you. I needed that.

Poe.

"There was an iciness, a sinking, a sickening of the heart - an unredeemed dreariness of thought which no goading of the imagination could torture into aught of the sublime."

His neurotic obsession of violence and death and the way he expresses pain and suffering and everything in between is quite interesting and mind captivating to read. I forgot how much I love reading. A bit depressing, but oh well.

Patience is a DAMN virtue.

Putting effort into something takes time, and time takes patience. Patience is your willingness to endure whatever it is you anticipate for. But putting more effort than need be is enervating and at times I want to give up. Things can't always seem to be the way you want it to be, even if you try so hard to make it happen. Most of the time I know who to ask for help when I'm making certain decisions. I don't know how long I have to wait to see something different change in the path I'm going, and the only way for me to do that is to make the change myself. I want to believe the best in people and in the situations I'm faced with, but it's ultimately up to me to finally push myself in making my own decisions.

And the one question I knew was silly to ask You, You gave me an answer I didn't listen to. I know now that I should have listened to You the first time... and I'm sorry for going my own way.

Jeremiah 10:23

I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own;
it is not for man to direct his steps.

I should have listened to You the first time.

November.

It's almost my birthday, and I'm surprisingly not that excited. Halloween weekend physically drained the life out of me. Geo's birthday was too fun. He always does it big and leaves me feeling exhausted to even celebrate my own birthday. Going to Vegas this weekend but I really wish I was going to Inspiration instead. Inspiration last year was THEE best day of my life and I hate that I'm missing it this year. When I found out Matt Maher was on tour and wasn't able to make it, it made me feel a little bit better that I wasn't going to be there. And sad because Mark Hart WILL be there. But still, being able to ride roller coasters during the day and proclaiming God's Glory by night by having Mass AND adoration in the middle of Magic Mountain with 3,000 teens. Amazing. I can't believe I'm missing it. I'm in need of adoration, funny that I say that and I can just walk 5 minutes to sit in silence and talk with God, but I haven't had the time. I should never say I never have time. There's always time. I wish I could just cancel Vegas, but my whole family is going. I guess I'm kind of excited to just get away and relax. I don't plan on getting too crazy in Vegas... since it's only Kathryn, Mark and I. Haha. I hate you all for not being able to come. Hopefully, I'll have something this Thursday, so everyone please keep it open. :) I honestly just want to go to sleep right now and wake up early to eat breakfast and get Mimosa's. Goodnight!

And when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.